“Earl- fetch!” So the apparition had a name and now it was emitting a cavernous rumble pregnant with menace. Earl shifted slightly to the side and towards where we were cowering. Faced with teeth as big as daggers and growling that would credit a Hound of Hell Mary Helen and I backed away and found ourselves being herded towards the house, and once we realized that the house was safer than the dog we moved along quite smartly. Standing at a side door was a gnarled, wrinkled, darkly bearded gnome of a man standing with his hands on his hips and an accusing glare. We stopped in front of him, emblazoned with light, as Earl snarled at our backsides. “All right, Earl. I reckon I’ve got this,” the man said. Earl immediately laid down, yawned, and began to lick his paws. The man peered frowning at us for a long moment while we vainly tried to cover ourselves. “You’re girls.” He said. Such an intelligent man! One who can be reasoned with! “And you’re nekkid.” And an observant man as well! I. ‘You gave men tits?’ The matron nodded, forcing a smile to her lips. ‘I mainly dealt with the wimpy-types, you know the sort, the one’s with forceful and tyrannical wives who make their husbands to do housework whilst wearing frocks and aprons. As I’ve mentioned I knew the procedure backwards so I knew exactly what I was doing. The doctor’s knew about it too, and they raised no objections if they got a portion of my fees. Everyone was happy until one of my patients experienced some disfigurement.’ Mrs Pardoe unconsciously clutched at her bosom and seemed to become increasingly startled as the word ‘disfigurement’ percolated in her mind. Matron offered a sharp look of impatience. ‘It was a faulty silicon insert that caused the problem not a want of skill on my part. There’s a risk in all surgery, but with accusations of illegal practise being thrown about the doctors took fright and disowned me. Since there could have been criminal charges in the offing I thought it best to simply.
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